I wiped at my tears, turning away from the early morning sun, away from the window. These days I walk carefully with my shoulders erect to disguise my increasing demons and fear. My tall strong frame still gives me the look of a model with an athletic body, and the pugnacious gleam in my eyes gives me the look of a fighter. I picked up a clean sheet and a pen, returning across my bedroom and dropping lifelessly into the bed. My thoughts on how far I have come in my career, still with no positive happenings yet. I began scrawling on the paper.
Camera front and behind the scenes is where I have been destined to be. Even though I had tried severally to ward off this vision and mission, and take up another vocation. Nevertheless, the knife keeps landing on the same face. Every other vocation that has delighted me so far and that I could do well at had one thing or another to do with the still and moving pictures.
No record label would sign you on just by spending your last and doing your best to put the songs that took you years to hone on a CD. And the marketer or promoter would never stop demanding of you the money you don’t have to get you into the market. The money that if you had had, you wouldn’t be approaching them, you would just do your thing! Would you believe it if I tell you that, personally I had experienced the bizarre aspect of their so called musical and acting talent hunts? More than three times I have qualified for TV reality musical shows and that’s all that ever happened. All my money and efforts, all gone down the drain because of some sons of gutters, that could think of nowhere else to siphon money but from an upcoming artistes like me.
No writer sells scripts or ideas just by picking up the telephone and putting a call though to an Editor, pitching the Studio Execs, Producers, or putting in a large chunk of dollars to market his/her material. Extreme efforts are required. That’s my opinion summed up after all my falls without a single rise. I always thought one step in between would take me further to where my glorious destiny would manifest but I am rather moving backward than I could ever imagined. It happened I am destined to become part of a very tough industry and has quite challenging callings. Matter of fact, I am carrying a load that is too heavy for me.
I have changed my mind about a lot of things since that day in Mr. Sanmi’s presence at the advertising firm when he grabbed one of my boobs in the changing room after leaving the casting set without warning, and I erupted in rage slapping the hell out of his chiming, shrunken and obnoxious face. The ‘me’ inside of me, had been right. Like battles to be conquered, success for the descent won’t be won in a long time by incessantly being disciplined and being outraged at immorality.
Right now I have lost count of the many television shows I have appeared in, and none of it has brought my star any closer to manifestation. The rave only lasted for a longer while before it subsided. This is yet another TV show and no calls except for the stare, cat calls, and the greetings from total strangers that I got on the streets.
“I am searching for an open door…I need an angel…I’m calling an angel…send me an angel… Jesus is the answer for the world today above Him there is no other…because your cloud is dark now, you think there won’t be sun shine…well the word of God is true and everything he says He would do it for you...” all of these are Christian faith words.
What am I even saying? I’m sure I am losing my mind!
Didn’t a singer say that, sometimes it’s hard to face the truth so we run? Well in my own case he is absolutely wrong! In my little 28 years journey, I have prayed all the prayers anyone of my age wouldn’t even know existed. And though without answers, I have never for once let the traces of discouragement overcome me.
Although I have run out of requests, and I am constantly down on my knees crying, I would never lose my faith. And maybe, just maybe there might be a turning point when I least expected.
Interview with Sola Kosoko on, LTV.